dear all my lovely followers,
i’m posting this to tell you all goodbye.
i’m sorry that i haven’t been on much, i’m sorry i haven’t been here for you guys even though i know you all seem to be here for me. it’s not fair, and i’m sorry.
lately, things have just sunk so low, and it’s made me realise that it’s time for me to go. my mind has finally realised it too, that being alive just isn’t working for me, and it’s finally clicked, finally my mind has lost the little part of it that wanted to keep living and to keep pushing through. i’m glad that it’s finally happened, because it was so hard to fight with myself between living and dying, but now, i’ve finally won, and death it will be.
it’s too late to say or do anything that will change my mind, i’m certain of this.
i can’t find anything to live for anymore, the only thing i want is to be dead, i don’t care what happens to me when i die, i have my beliefs of a happier place, but i don’t even care if i go to hell, because anything is better than this life.
i can’t express how sorry i am that it’s come to this. i never wanted to hurt anyone other than myself. and i’m sorry. i’m just so sorry. i think i’m filled with so much guilt over everything, the only thing i can do is apologise for everything.
i just can’t live with this pain anymore, and i’ve been trying hard for so long to make it better, but i just can’t fix anything, and i’ve given up on trying, and i’m sorry for that too.
please just know that this is what i want, if you want the best for me, and want me to be happy, you’ll let me go through with this. please understand that this is the only option i have, please understand that i can’t do this anymore. i just can’t.
again, i’m so sorry. please stay strong, all of you who are struggling, and remember that your life is worth it. i know it’s contradictory, but your lives will get better, and you will find things to live for, you will be happy. all the terrible things in your lives with eventually go away. it will be okay, i promise.
i will still be here until at least friday night, but after then, if i stop posting, you will know why. i think it’s better writing this in advanced, i don’t know.
but just know that this is my goodbye.
thank you all for everything you’ve done, without tumblr, i wouldn’t have been able to hold on this long.
love olivia. ♥